I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
