Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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