i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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