and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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