Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
