I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
