Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
