But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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