I accidentally had phone sex last night
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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