Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
