Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's rum buckets o'clock
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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