The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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