Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
