About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
