my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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