i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
