There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
