We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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