I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
