I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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