i always forget guys have bellybuttons
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
