I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
