why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
