I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
