i think my tv is drunk
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
