NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just puked most of my soul out..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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