I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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