actually, I'm a sock model
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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