i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
