Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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