He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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