I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
