put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
