she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
