I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
