A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
