Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
What drink are we having for lunch?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
