somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
