He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
