even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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