i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
