At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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