why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
How naked do you want me to be?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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