so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
