Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
