The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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