Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
