his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
