I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
