M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
operation harelip BJ is a go
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
