i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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