Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
